Give Generosity A Chance

I know what my natural tendencies are. I tend to hold on to what’s mine with a tight grip. I’ve earned it. Grown it. Not about to let go of it. It’s like that’s my natural default setting. But every once in a while I deviate. And, the results aren’t always the same. But there’s something about being generous that gives ME something that accumulating and holding tight can’t. 

I know. We can talk about motives all day. I’ve given to get. I’ve given for all the wrong reasons. But occasionally a well intended act of generosity has made its way from me. And it’s difficult to put into words, but sometimes the results for me are exhilarating. Not always. But sometimes. I’m thinking we all like that experience. But our defaults to accumulate and hold tight are similar as well. And it’s tough to let go. 

I don’t believe in giving until it hurts. And I would dissuade giving to get. I think we also have a built in sense to detect those who prey on others’ generosity. And we stay away from those types. Largely. Most of us. Yes, I know some give to a fault. But I also think we can discern and detect good opportunities to be generous. Not a guilt driven obligation. But an honest…I want to do this generous act…just because…and not need much of a reason. 

Recently someone commented on one of my food pics and I think it encapsulates what I’m talking about. The person described how sometimes they’ll buy an extra Papa Murphy’s pizza, put it on the smoker, and deliver it to someone who’s having a bad day. I wasn’t soliciting some do-gooder response. But I thought, what a great thing to do… when the motives are simple and pure. Super easy, but very impactful. 

Confession: I can’t remember the last time I put gas in my truck. Gas prices are a sensitive topic and I don’t want to be tone deaf in my narrative. But it’s been months since I’ve put gas in my truck. For one, I work from home, and I just don’t drive that much. But also over the last several months I’ve loaned out my truck to four different people who returned it with more gas than was in it when they borrowed it. Yes, that’s a decent thing to do when borrowing a vehicle. But I think generosity begets generosity. And to me, that’s a bit exhilarating. And it made a positive impact on me. 

Another thing…I didn’t initiate the process. I wasn’t going around …hey, want to borrow my truck?? (Nudge nudge wink wink, know what I mean??) …with hopes of getting my tank filled. The opportunity for me to be generous came to me. And when I said ok, I truly received more than I gave. I am aware of gas prices. In this case I felt like I received more than I gave. 

And no. You can’t borrow my truck. And yes, I still have a tendency to cling to what is mine. But I also know that to let that grip go once in a while can be a glorious thing. Rewarding in ways other than financial. It can just be good for the soul. 

Give generosity a chance. You just might enjoy the results. I bet you already have and you already know what I’m taking about. I sincerely hope so. 

Thank you for reading. 

The Book of Proverbs

(What it’s meant to me)

At a relatively young age I was aware that I was missing a strong positive male influence in my life…and left unaddressed, that dynamic could be problematic for me long term. Sure, I gleaned a little here or there from teachers and coaches. Yet I  hoped for more input, and honestly had to deal with disappointments in part due to my unrealistically high expectations and hopes that someone would step up and step in to help fill my gaps. Other disappointments were more reality based, as some men are jerks…but more on that later.

So, getting to the point, I leaned heavily on the teachings of the book of Proverbs. The book of wisdom was written by Solomon to his sons, based largely on the teachings he received from his father, King David. Really, one would be hard pressed to find mentoring any better from anyone else from any point in human history. 

No, I did not have the benefit of personal exchange or interaction while reading .. there was no asking questions, getting specific feedback on issues…how to shoot a basketball…talk to girls…set the condenser points on a distributer on an older model car …you get the idea. But I was able to read at any time, wise words from wise men. 31 chapters is an excellent format as well. Today is the 9th? Easy. Read Proverbs chapter 9. It’s only 18 verses. Miss a day? No big deal. Catch it next month. But, set out to read one chapter a day, and your mind will continually be exposed to wise words.

And that was my pattern, for many of the 30+ years to follow. No, I’m not claiming to be wise because of it. But I do claim to have received some direction from it. 

My approach was to first of all read as if looking in a mirror. Proverbs provides contrasts…wise behavior vs foolish behavior. Wise people vs foolish people. And when reading while looking in the mirror (figuratively) I had to determine what kind of man I wanted to be. And when it came to the company I kept, I had to determine how others measured up with what I was reading on a regular basis, and purpose to associate with some, and distance myself from others. 

Let me pause for a moment to state something about judging others. We are wise to first judge ourselves. But having good judgement includes the company we keep. What you do with your opinions of others, for their benefit or hurt, speaks volumes to your level of being judgmental. You can keep opinions to yourself or you can spread them. And yes, the book of Proverbs has plenty to say about that as well. 

And another disclaimer…just because I read the book religiously doesn’t mean I followed it. Many days I did not…to my own hurt, and to the hurt of others close to me. But the reading and digesting of the book of Proverbs over time became my reference point. My solid ground. If I strayed, I knew where I strayed from, and could find a reference point to return to. That was like gold to me.

You can find plenty of areas of controversy in many other parts of the Bible. But it’s fairly simple in Proverbs. See a person who creates falsehoods to get his own way? Don’t be like that guy. And stay away from him and people like him. See a person who takes something not belonging to them? Don’t do that, and stay away from people who do. Simple, but powerful. And so applicable to today. 

So much noise can be heard today on the topic of masculinity. But don’t be fooled. Many people are claiming their masculinity is under attack when it’s really toxicity that is under attack. Big difference. When I look in the mirror I have to ask…is my masculinity under attack? Or is my toxicity under attack? Personally, I am not threatened when toxicity is under attack. I’ll only be better if I’m less toxic. And honestly, I’m not sure why some men feel threatened, unless being toxic somehow helps them achieve their ends. And I try to avoid those types. But maybe they feel threatened when their go to tool is in jeopardy. 

When I was 14 a teacher/leader in my church recruited me to get into a fight with his son. Yes, he pulled me aside and told me he thought his son needed to toughen up, and asked if I would initiate the task of beating up his son. I respectfully declined, but I’ve often wondered about that proposition. It conflicted with nearly everything else I had been taught in my young experience of church. I was small for my age, and I wondered if I was being set up… used as bait… to start a fight just so his son could experience a physical victory after rising to the occasion. I wasn’t from a church family. So, I’d just be blamed for being a ruffian. His son would be justifiably defending himself against some bad apple. Who knows. Glad I didn’t bite. But tough stuff for a kid my age to try to decipher. 

But I think that’s the approach many toxic men take towards their masculinity. If respect doesn’t come naturally, fight for it…even if it means beating it out of somebody else. However, there’s a better way. Read Proverbs, looking inward while doing so. And leave toxicity by the wayside, along with others stubbornly clinging to it. 

Thank you for reading. 

Closure

I’ve often wondered about the concept of closure. Sometimes I think it’s a word others use to describe your situation so they can stop thinking about it. And they want you to validate them by accepting their wish of closure for you. And I think that shortchanges the concept of healing. 

Instead of closure I think there may just be various stages of healing. The open wound phase is the worst, and obviously not a place anyone wants to stay in for any length of time. So anything that closes the open wound is welcome. But I don’t think I’ve ever been around anyone who has completely healed from significant wounds. There are always scars or reminders that something happened and God forbid, could happen again. And much of life is navigating through those troubled waters of uncertainty. And I don’t think that journey fully concludes this side of life. So I always feel a bit trite wishing someone closure. What I really wish is for a continued healing process and peace along the way.

The Beast Card

I mean, that’s the real enemy, right? The Beast? And his mark, that we’re to avoid at all costs, or basically forfeit our soul? Sure, the Bible prophesizes about it. In the end times…perilous times will come. But the key is to know when to play that card. Now is not the time. Play it too soon and you’re like the karaoke singer who comes in too early on a song…and if persistent is off the entire duration of the tune. 

Play your card when it’s time to play your card. Not before. Timing is everything. We’re trying to get through a pandemic. The vaccine helps us do that. Other unproven methods…let’s face it. They didn’t make the cut and now they’re trying to get a participation trophy. Sorry… your methods are unproven and largely untried…because they weren’t good enough to make the cut. The medical community went with something else and this isn’t Burger King where you can have it your way. This is still a pandemic. And the overwhelming majority of the medical community supports vaccination and masking. 

So put your beast card away and save it for another time. You can only cry wolf so many times before you’re not taken seriously. And some have already passed that threshold. 

Oh, and another sign we’re in the end times…men will be lovers of themselves. So, for the sake of humanity…consider what’s best for others as well as yourself. Vaccinate and mask up.

Kindness Wins

 

Last week was my first flying experience since pre-covid. And although I’ve not been out much the last year, I wasn’t really looking for interaction or even up for people watching. Yet I had a couple of airport instances that made an impression on me. I’ll tell you about one now. 

I was in a waiting area having just ordered a sandwich. A young gal…I’d say in her upper 20’s, was in front of me also waiting to pick up food when a grandmotherly type came up to her. They had a brief conversation in Spanish and the elderly lady went to find a seat at the younger gals direction. At least, that’s what I’m assuming based on the exchange. As soon as the elderly lady was out of earshot the younger gal turns to me and quietly says “she is so lost”. I’m assuming a lot of things at this point and judging right and left in my head…cuz really, who doesn’t …thoughts like…how nice of them to travel together, but that was a little disrespectful…to…I guess my patience could be wearing thin under those conditions as well… many thoughts in an instant. However, the young gal quickly followed with “no, she is really lost (I’m wondering what facial expression I may have been wearing). I don’t even know her” she continued. “She just came up to me and asked for help. She even gave me her purse to carry”, as she held up her arm as if I was judging her selection of purses. Again, I briefly tried to figure out my facial expression…though I wasn’t judging the purse selection at all. “I told her we’ll figure it out while we eat”, she continued. 

I often don’t know what to say when things unfold suddenly before me. I wanted to say something encouraging. “She trusts you”, I uttered the obvious. No, that wasn’t enough. “That’s very kind of you”. There…that was really it. Not the greatest revelation. But man, what a dose of what we all need, and maybe haven’t been exposed to for so long. Kindness. Strangers helping strangers. A news item for the evening telecast? Hardly. But I was glad to see an episode of kindness unfold right in front of me.

The Majority

 

You take your teen’s phone away because you were told they used it to bully online. They squawk about their right to free speech. You say “sorry...them’s the rules”. They mutter something about you not stopping child porn... but you take away their ability to speak... You wince a bit because, well, that just doesn’t make a lot of sense, but you’ve heard that argument recently, and it seemed to make sense in a different context, so you let it slide. Agitated and without much thought you lift your hand and say “you’re free to speak to the hand” and you walk to the another room to have a seat. 

You’re a little shook up because right before this unpleasant exchange with your teen you Googled “Libertarianism” because you thought you’d start a profile on a different social media platform and the creator is Libertarian. And you discover that libertarians don’t see age of consent the way you do. And you started wondering how they’d crack down on anything else harmful if they don’t take a stand on age of consent. And that comment about not stopping child porn still really bothers you...because, well, you don’t want to rethink age of consent in order to justify that argument you had against big tech. Your mind drifts... you actually wanted the party that’s against big government to override the states’ electoral vote. And now you want the government to regulate big tech...so a bully can continue to ...well, bully..in the name of free speech. You tell yourself your child is no bully...as you hold their phone in your hand, and you know why you took it. 

In the corner of your eye you see a Blue Lives Matter magnet on the fridge the exact moment the news covers the officer killed in the capitol riot. For a quick second you mutter “all lives matter” then you gasp and look around to see if anyone heard your slip. You ponder that maybe his life didn’t seem to matter to those rioters or protesters or whatever..but you stop that thought...not because it’s wrong to think, but because it seems to challenge other thoughts running concurrently through your mind. 

You finally sit down to collect your thoughts. You remember seeing images of police in riot gear during other protests and you wonder how it could be this easy to....and you don’t finish that thought. You look down at your hands once more and check your teen’s phone .. and you see a link to an article of a black man arrested for praying at the capitol several years ago. You skim through the article.  Yes, you notice he’s black, but you tell yourself it doesn’t matter, well, he matters, cuz all lives.. never mind... you’re getting silly minded, you tell yourself .. And for the life of you you can’t convince yourself of anything at the moment. You’re rattled. Shaken. You console yourself with a good thought...like, well, “I wish that black man good things. We’re better than that” you tell yourself. “I hope it turned out well for him”, you tell yourself. 

Your teen notices you are shaken. You hold up the phone and ask, “what’s this on your phone” more as a diversion than a serious question. “That’s the majority” is the answer. “The ...what? The majority to what?” Clearly your child got the words mixed up. You click the link and look again. Then... it sinks in. That’s the newly elected senator from Georgia, giving the senate edge to the other party. He was the one arrested for praying at the capitol a few years back. You’re both confused and a little angry. It’s a lot to process. But the only thought you can think of now is...what was that man praying for at the capitol? And you wondered if your God would dare answer his prayer.