A Shoutout

 

A shoutout to people who still know how to use filters when they speak, realizing the ultimate objective is not putting others in their place, but to create an environment where dialogue, learning and growth are valued.

A shoutout to people who still know how to dress modestly in public, realizing the world is not your personal space for you alone to be comfortable in. 

A shoutout to people who reprocess information, realizing that not everything was covered comprehensively in 5th grade. 

A shoutout to people who don’t create terms primarily to use as labels to insult those they don’t agree with. 

A shoutout to those that question from a position of curiosity rather than question for the purpose of condemnation. 

A shoutout to those who listen with the intent to understand. 

A shoutout to those who seek peace, even if a solution is not in sight. 

A shoutout to people who realize they are not stuck in traffic, rather, they are traffic. 

A shoutout to people who purpose to explain less with words, using actions more. 

A shoutout to people who act positively when the cameras aren’t on, and there’s little or no chance for attention. 

A shoutout to people who don’t need to  say “read that again”.

A shoutout to people who don’t have to be first in order to be winning. 

How My World View Failed Me and Everyone Else

Without going into particulars, the worst thing about my or anyone else’s world view is calling it a world view. I always should have kept it as simply a personal belief system. But once I promote my belief system to a world view, I’m basically proclaiming what “should” be for all, in order for the world to be a better place. That’s how a belief system (abbreviated bs) turns to BS. If everyone believed as I do, we’d all be better off (according to world view holders). Anyone who deviates from my belief system will inevitably encounter consequences which automatically are classified as “you problems”. Should’ve done it my way. Should’ve believed like I believe. 

See…it’s BS.

What I want now is for my belief system to be considered with as much courtesy and respect as the next guy’s. I don’t have to have certain stores celebrating my belief system with belief system friendly merchandise. Just compatible. Compatible with mine, no more, no less than the next guy’s.

Have you ever wondered where John Lennon got the lyric “Imagine there’s no heaven”? I haven’t researched and studied his philosophy. But my guess is he would be pretty elusive in his description when asked. And a lot of people I’ve known over the years really wouldn’t put much stock in his explanation anyway, as they’d prefer to apply their own explanation on his behalf with or without his input. Like…Lennon was anti god, anti heaven, and that song is proof. 

Well. I don’t know about that. Certain thoughts spring to mind when I consider that lyric. One thought is that it seems to me that many people’s endgame to their belief system is based on their view of eternity..the hereafter…heaven. And so they develop their belief system based on what matters in light of eternity..and consequently promote that as a world view for the here and now. 

How many wars have occurred because differing world views were in conflict? Because differing interpretations of the afterlife are applied to formulate these world views?

Side note: I love free will. But for the life of me I can’t figure out why people would war with others over differing religious beliefs. If God gave us free will, isn’t He already allowing for differing thought processes? And He gives everyone their lifetime to think it out…freely? So why would anyone take it upon themselves to truncate God’s timeframe for someone, especially if it resulted in eternal damnation? Wouldn’t God call those into account for playing god and cutting short a life He was allowing to live longer..under free will?

Anyway. 

So…imagine that dynamic didn’t exist..the striving to promote one’s world view over another through persecution, conflict and wars.. I can see how that could result in more peace here on earth, if that dynamic didn’t exist. Instead we have world views supposedly based in morality derived from divinely inspired writings..being forced upon the populations using whatever corrupt political strategies achieve the desired end result…free-will be damned. 

People see through that and are disgusted. I know I am. 

My personal belief system is fine for me. If we talk and help each other think through life’s difficulties…awesome. But I’m not going to impose my belief system on you or others. Nor do I want that from you. Of course we live under common laws for the sake of civility. And right now common laws allow me to observe my personal beliefs to the fullest extent I personally enjoy. That’s never really been in jeopardy in my lifetime, despite what fear some try to promote in an effort to secure their own belief systems while opposing others. 

I’m done with that, and have been done with that for years. 

Peace. 

…Or not. 

Much of that is up to you, depending if you can be at peace letting someone else live according to their belief system that is different than yours. If it bugs the hell out of you, well, that sounds like a you problem. And maybe that’s why peace is elusive. 

Born in 98

I was quietly awaiting my turn to get called back. Another patient walked in and was giving information to the receptionist. Something something 1998. A mere child I thought…. born in ‘98. Sheesh. I had to look up to see how young this child was. Except I didn’t see a child. I saw a burly man with a burly beard. My brain raced. 24? No way, I told myself. But honestly, he could’ve been two years into a profession by now. 

98, sigh. I had grandparents born in 98, or sometime in the 1890s. And this grown man was 100 years younger than my grandparents. Mind blown. In an instant 100 years flashed before my eyes. 

I’ve been to quite a few appointments recently. Getting poked, injected, imaged, and diagnosed. I’m actually quite ok. Well, part of me isn’t. But that isn’t anything new. Until recently I’ve been oblivious to a condition I’ve had my entire life. Why it took 60 years to manifest itself in the form of recognizable symptoms, I have no idea. I guess my case hasn’t been very severe. So I’m lucky in that regard. 

In today’s world my condition can be identified before birth, and in some cases even repaired in utero. That technology was not available when I was born. And like I said, I didn’t even experience outward symptoms until I was 60. And now my condition can be repaired laparoscopically. Most patients receiving my procedure are kids. Actual kids, not just by my definition. A couple of times some instruments had to be replaced because they were pediatric, not adult sized. But they can repair old guys like me too. It’s an amazing age. 

And the body is an amazing thing. We can both be resilient and fragile at the same time. Haven’t we all been rendered powerless by a single eyelash? And we’ve recovered from surgeries…that were brought on by other frailties. 

This recent health experience has made me more aware of my own aging process. I wonder what else is ticking in my body, and is just a matter of time before another dashboard light comes on. I’m also much more thankful to have a healthcare system that routinely checks for and treats issues I may have. I’m really fortunate in that regard. 

I’ve pretty much given away my age here, but I consider myself barely a boomer. I’ve never really bought into the boomer vs millennial drama. Most of the people taking care of me the last several months have been millennials. And I couldn’t be in better hands. Maybe it’s different in other fields. But in healthcare…millennials are nailing it in the workplace. At least, that’s been my experience. I bet that’s the case in other fields as well. And you know what? That gives me peace of mind. I’m not getting any younger. And nobody has called me “boomer” yet. And they won’t. They’re too respectful for that, in my experience anyway. 

Shoot…I’ve even been helped by some Gen Z’s along the way… gasp. Some of them are quite burly by now, having been born in …‘98…or so. Maybe we’re not quite so different after all. We’re just at different experience levels. That’s it. I’m at Boomer Level 61. Just a kid to some. Waiting for my childhood surgery, with the rest of the kids. 

My Year In Review

Once again I was named Luckiest Man of the Year…again…a streak of several years in a row now. The regularity is kind of like the Chiefs winning the AFC West, or the Jayhawks basketball team winning the Big12 title. Pretty consistent for years now. 

And I hope to continue that streak with this new year. If you’re like me, then you know I struggle with the word “luck”. I’m not sure I really believe in it. Maybe I believe more in dumb luck and smart luck. Smart luck is where you position yourself for good things to happen, then are still blown away when they do. And I’ll take whatever dumb luck comes my way. I still don’t know how to describe it. But I can’t exactly bring myself to say God has blessed me with all the excess I’ve accumulated or hoarded for myself. Nor can I say He hasn’t. So, for now, I’m calling it luck…with a wink and smile looking up, hoping for a wink and smile in return, realizing I may never receive it. But I’m still looking up with anticipation. 

Here’s to looking up with a wink and a smile in 2022. Happy New Year everyone. 

Give Generosity A Chance

I know what my natural tendencies are. I tend to hold on to what’s mine with a tight grip. I’ve earned it. Grown it. Not about to let go of it. It’s like that’s my natural default setting. But every once in a while I deviate. And, the results aren’t always the same. But there’s something about being generous that gives ME something that accumulating and holding tight can’t. 

I know. We can talk about motives all day. I’ve given to get. I’ve given for all the wrong reasons. But occasionally a well intended act of generosity has made its way from me. And it’s difficult to put into words, but sometimes the results for me are exhilarating. Not always. But sometimes. I’m thinking we all like that experience. But our defaults to accumulate and hold tight are similar as well. And it’s tough to let go. 

I don’t believe in giving until it hurts. And I would dissuade giving to get. I think we also have a built in sense to detect those who prey on others’ generosity. And we stay away from those types. Largely. Most of us. Yes, I know some give to a fault. But I also think we can discern and detect good opportunities to be generous. Not a guilt driven obligation. But an honest…I want to do this generous act…just because…and not need much of a reason. 

Recently someone commented on one of my food pics and I think it encapsulates what I’m talking about. The person described how sometimes they’ll buy an extra Papa Murphy’s pizza, put it on the smoker, and deliver it to someone who’s having a bad day. I wasn’t soliciting some do-gooder response. But I thought, what a great thing to do… when the motives are simple and pure. Super easy, but very impactful. 

Confession: I can’t remember the last time I put gas in my truck. Gas prices are a sensitive topic and I don’t want to be tone deaf in my narrative. But it’s been months since I’ve put gas in my truck. For one, I work from home, and I just don’t drive that much. But also over the last several months I’ve loaned out my truck to four different people who returned it with more gas than was in it when they borrowed it. Yes, that’s a decent thing to do when borrowing a vehicle. But I think generosity begets generosity. And to me, that’s a bit exhilarating. And it made a positive impact on me. 

Another thing…I didn’t initiate the process. I wasn’t going around …hey, want to borrow my truck?? (Nudge nudge wink wink, know what I mean??) …with hopes of getting my tank filled. The opportunity for me to be generous came to me. And when I said ok, I truly received more than I gave. I am aware of gas prices. In this case I felt like I received more than I gave. 

And no. You can’t borrow my truck. And yes, I still have a tendency to cling to what is mine. But I also know that to let that grip go once in a while can be a glorious thing. Rewarding in ways other than financial. It can just be good for the soul. 

Give generosity a chance. You just might enjoy the results. I bet you already have and you already know what I’m taking about. I sincerely hope so. 

Thank you for reading. 

The Book of Proverbs

(What it’s meant to me)

At a relatively young age I was aware that I was missing a strong positive male influence in my life…and left unaddressed, that dynamic could be problematic for me long term. Sure, I gleaned a little here or there from teachers and coaches. Yet I  hoped for more input, and honestly had to deal with disappointments in part due to my unrealistically high expectations and hopes that someone would step up and step in to help fill my gaps. Other disappointments were more reality based, as some men are jerks…but more on that later.

So, getting to the point, I leaned heavily on the teachings of the book of Proverbs. The book of wisdom was written by Solomon to his sons, based largely on the teachings he received from his father, King David. Really, one would be hard pressed to find mentoring any better from anyone else from any point in human history. 

No, I did not have the benefit of personal exchange or interaction while reading .. there was no asking questions, getting specific feedback on issues…how to shoot a basketball…talk to girls…set the condenser points on a distributer on an older model car …you get the idea. But I was able to read at any time, wise words from wise men. 31 chapters is an excellent format as well. Today is the 9th? Easy. Read Proverbs chapter 9. It’s only 18 verses. Miss a day? No big deal. Catch it next month. But, set out to read one chapter a day, and your mind will continually be exposed to wise words.

And that was my pattern, for many of the 30+ years to follow. No, I’m not claiming to be wise because of it. But I do claim to have received some direction from it. 

My approach was to first of all read as if looking in a mirror. Proverbs provides contrasts…wise behavior vs foolish behavior. Wise people vs foolish people. And when reading while looking in the mirror (figuratively) I had to determine what kind of man I wanted to be. And when it came to the company I kept, I had to determine how others measured up with what I was reading on a regular basis, and purpose to associate with some, and distance myself from others. 

Let me pause for a moment to state something about judging others. We are wise to first judge ourselves. But having good judgement includes the company we keep. What you do with your opinions of others, for their benefit or hurt, speaks volumes to your level of being judgmental. You can keep opinions to yourself or you can spread them. And yes, the book of Proverbs has plenty to say about that as well. 

And another disclaimer…just because I read the book religiously doesn’t mean I followed it. Many days I did not…to my own hurt, and to the hurt of others close to me. But the reading and digesting of the book of Proverbs over time became my reference point. My solid ground. If I strayed, I knew where I strayed from, and could find a reference point to return to. That was like gold to me.

You can find plenty of areas of controversy in many other parts of the Bible. But it’s fairly simple in Proverbs. See a person who creates falsehoods to get his own way? Don’t be like that guy. And stay away from him and people like him. See a person who takes something not belonging to them? Don’t do that, and stay away from people who do. Simple, but powerful. And so applicable to today. 

So much noise can be heard today on the topic of masculinity. But don’t be fooled. Many people are claiming their masculinity is under attack when it’s really toxicity that is under attack. Big difference. When I look in the mirror I have to ask…is my masculinity under attack? Or is my toxicity under attack? Personally, I am not threatened when toxicity is under attack. I’ll only be better if I’m less toxic. And honestly, I’m not sure why some men feel threatened, unless being toxic somehow helps them achieve their ends. And I try to avoid those types. But maybe they feel threatened when their go to tool is in jeopardy. 

When I was 14 a teacher/leader in my church recruited me to get into a fight with his son. Yes, he pulled me aside and told me he thought his son needed to toughen up, and asked if I would initiate the task of beating up his son. I respectfully declined, but I’ve often wondered about that proposition. It conflicted with nearly everything else I had been taught in my young experience of church. I was small for my age, and I wondered if I was being set up… used as bait… to start a fight just so his son could experience a physical victory after rising to the occasion. I wasn’t from a church family. So, I’d just be blamed for being a ruffian. His son would be justifiably defending himself against some bad apple. Who knows. Glad I didn’t bite. But tough stuff for a kid my age to try to decipher. 

But I think that’s the approach many toxic men take towards their masculinity. If respect doesn’t come naturally, fight for it…even if it means beating it out of somebody else. However, there’s a better way. Read Proverbs, looking inward while doing so. And leave toxicity by the wayside, along with others stubbornly clinging to it. 

Thank you for reading. 

Closure

I’ve often wondered about the concept of closure. Sometimes I think it’s a word others use to describe your situation so they can stop thinking about it. And they want you to validate them by accepting their wish of closure for you. And I think that shortchanges the concept of healing. 

Instead of closure I think there may just be various stages of healing. The open wound phase is the worst, and obviously not a place anyone wants to stay in for any length of time. So anything that closes the open wound is welcome. But I don’t think I’ve ever been around anyone who has completely healed from significant wounds. There are always scars or reminders that something happened and God forbid, could happen again. And much of life is navigating through those troubled waters of uncertainty. And I don’t think that journey fully concludes this side of life. So I always feel a bit trite wishing someone closure. What I really wish is for a continued healing process and peace along the way.