Happy Returns

It was only the day after Christmas. Actually, the night after Christmas, and I thought the rush for returning gifts may have diminished at least a little bit. So I headed to the local retail store to return one simple item. I found I was not the only one trying to sneak in a quick return. Even the greeter commented on the long line. But I was determined to carry through with my task.

So I settled in line and amused myself with a little people watching. I didn't have to look far for my first little person, for just a couple of spots in front of me was a young mom and a little 4 or 5 year old boy. I thought "this could be interesting" considering the amount of time we would be in line. However, I was soon distracted by something else; a moaning noise. I couldn't immediately see where it was coming from, and based on the disparity of the moan, I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I saw looks from people ahead of me, and in the distance, looks from cashiers. No one looked at ease. This did make me more curious, but not more sure I really wanted to find the source.

But in only a couple of moments later I saw a girl maybe 14 on the floor moaning in agony. Her apparent guardian was standing nearby with a rather unconcerned look on her face. That was my first clue that this was not a new experience for either. Occasionally the guardian would scoot the distraught girl forward with a shove of her foot, almost a kick. Again, onlookers gave concerned looks. But the two seemed to manage. Occasionally the girl would stand up, moan louder, make a fist and self inflict blows to her own head. To say the least, the setting was extremely sad and troubling. I certainly didn't know what to do, let alone know what to think. But the guardian seemed to manage.

About a minute into the episode I noticed another girl, maybe a year younger than the first, who had a similar disability, but on the other end of the spectrum. She had a look of sheer delight on her face, and she was gladly talking to anyone nearby, even with the counterpart's constant groaning. The guardian would simply say "they don't know you" to the delighted girl. It didn't phase her though. The look on her face remained constant.

I'm no expert on disabilities of this nature. I've not spent much time even thinking about people in this state. But I had a few moments to reflect that night in line. One thought that came to mind was that these two girls will probably never be much different than they are now. Again, I don't know about treatments, but I wouldn't be surprised if their worlds were pretty much constant.

I even caught myself wondering which state would be better: the constant turmoil, or the constant delight. At first I thought the delight surely had to be better. No worries, no apparent concerns, even in the midst of someone else's agony. But I had to give equal thought to the other side. At least something bothered them. Or perhaps it was so bad that they were in turmoil for no other reason than a physical abnormality in the brain. I would never know.

I felt sad for these two, but was glad that at least they had a guardian that didn't freak out while taking care of them. Not a job I'd want, nor do I feel capable of.

But my mind didn't stop there. I was witnessing two of the most extreme emotions on opposite ends of the emotional spectrum that I have ever seen side by side. For whatever reason, this seemed to be the makeup of these girls. No amount of reasoning or conversation would change the mood of either. Sure, I only saw them for maybe 20 minutes on only one night. But my mind was thinking they were pretty much in the state they'd be in for quite possibly the rest of their lives. Maybe not, but that's what my mind was thinking. And the guardian seemed to accept them right where they were. How could you try to change them anyway? And into what?

So my mind wandered a little further. Could it be that all of us have a natural bent that's perhaps different than all others? Some on one side of the delight spectrum, others on the other side of despair? And who knows where normal is defined to be. Sure, we'd like to think that we can choose to be happy. But couldn't one's dispositional default level be closer to happy than another's? Yes, happiness is a good place to be, and should be pursued, but maybe it's a more difficult journey for some than it is for others.

I think we may lose sight of that sometimes. I think we are quick to determine that all should be at the same place of emotional well being, with the same amount of effort. However, after seeing these two contrasts in the return line, I'm thinking it's quite possible that everyone's journey to emotional well being is unique. And none of us really knows what that uniqueness is for others. We'd do well to figure out our own bents and dispositions for our own journeys towards emotional health though, and maybe give some slack to others who may not be where we thought they should be. Not the kind of thinking I was expecting to do in the local return line.