The Anger of Man

I've recently been in discussion with someone regarding the idea of depression being the result of inwardly directed anger. I've been thinking a lot about their thoughts, and their quest to learn how to process anger, if not inwardly. I think I'm on a similar quest, and I really appreciate their openness and vulnerability on the subject. I think I've also tended to internalize anger, maybe because I've not known where to direct it. And I wonder if that's a key with processing anger. Not so much the idea of getting angry, and maybe beyond figuring out where it's coming from (or what's behind it), but then to direct the anger appropriately. So I guess I'm seeing three phases with anger management. Acknowledging it, learning what's behind it, then appropriately directing it. I think most of us don't even get through the first stage very well. I'm not claiming to always do well with the second phase either, but my default for the third phase I think, is to turn my anger inward, on myself, resulting in unhealthy mindsets even including depression at times. Objectively, I think I can reason that that's not really fair for others to do, so I guess it's not fair for me either. But my default setting is to still direct my anger inwardly. I don't have a dog to kick when I get home, and if I did I wouldn't kick it. And I understand that kicking a dog is an inappropriate display of anger, but at least it's not an internal display. That doesn't make it better by any means, but it probably decreases depression for a person (not the dog). But I digress. My point is that I think there are different consequences based on how you deal with anger. Depression vs dog bites if you will. Choose your poison. Funny how we'll go to great lengths to avoid the dog bite consequence. But while it seems absurd to be accepting of the dog bite, we often are quite complacent when it comes to a state of depression as a consequence of anger.

The concept of appropriately directing anger elsewhere (besides inwardly) was a hard one for me to grasp. I would rather internalize it and call it a day. But I've come to grips that Jesus was the perfect example of directing anger appropriately. I am capable of being angry enough to turn over tables at a temple, but I'd probably also yell at the poor people for not knowing better than to buy to overpriced goods. But Jesus always directed his anger towards the appropriate party (and never kicked a dog that I know of).

I'm capable of yelling in the face of Peter's arrogance, but Jesus said "Get thee behind me Satan" even while looking directly at Peter. Direct hit on Satan, but Peter got the point too.

I'm capable of pulling up the wheat with the tares, but Jesus knows how to get just the tares, and He will at the appropriate time, sparing the wheat.

My anger does not achieve the righteousness of God because most of the time, I don't know how to direct it appropriately, including when I direct it towards myself. I can see that so much more clearly now. I think that is why God tells us to leave the vengeance to Him. We are just too capable of collateral damage. I don't think that means we turn totally passive. But I think it might be better to error on the passive side than on the vengeance side.

And even though I can convince myself to error on the passive side towards other people (maybe it's called grace), it's still very hard to cut myself the same slack. But I don't think it has to remain that way. I think maybe I'm getting a little better with cutting myself some slack, without becoming a slacker (don't know if those terms are really related, but, oh well).

Probably doesn't help much for me to tell anyone to cut themselves some slack. But I'll ask you, the reader, if you are willing to cut yourself some more slack. Can you give yourself permission to fail? Can you cut yourself the same slack you're willing to cut others? I have to ask myself the same things. I'm also finding that venting can be an excellent tool to help diffuse some of that anger. It also helps to have a person listen and give feedback in terms of what might be under the anger. Of course even venting needs to be done appropriately so it doesn't turn slanderous. But I think that's what good friends are for. Plus, the best of friends don't let us slander ourselves. So, see if you can give yourself permission to vent as well. And perhaps we'll both grow in allowing God the duty of vengeance, even towards ourselves. An in the event we need to courageously take appropriate action outwardly, may the God of discernment truly guide our paths so His righteousness is achieved, not our collateral damage.