A few months ago I decided to use modern technology to look someone up. Not to stalk them. More of a “I wonder where they are now” kind of thought process. Actually, it was more than that. See, this person showed me kindness when I was just a twerp, and it made an impression on me. A life long impression. So I wanted to thank them, and reach out to them to let them know I remembered, and appreciated it.
It’s not the first time I thought about doing that kind of thing. Several years ago, before Facebook even, I wanted to write a letter to a grade school teacher, to say thanks for her devotion and input. So I pulled out the good old white pages, found her address, and wrote a handwritten letter. We don’t do that much these days. She replied, and that was a very nice exchange. It made me feel good and I’m guessing it had a similar effect on her.
Well, she died just a couple years after that, and I remember being glad I had reached out when I did, or it would have just been a thought that never materialized. And, those unacted upon thoughts don’t really count for much, unless you count regrets. But I had no regret there. Yes, it was sad to hear of her passing. But I was able to renew a couple of memories and pass on some appreciation in the process. So, with life, sometimes you take the joys you can get, and live on, even after someone who made positive contributions passes away. Sad, yes. Treasuring memories...priceless.
As time went on, I’d hear of relatives passing away. People I hadn’t seen in over 20 or 30 years. And sometimes we were so disconnected I wouldn’t find out for years that they had passed away.
Life does that. It passes you by without warning. And if it’s kind enough to give you a warning, we do well to pay attention.
That’s kind of how it was with my brother’s passing. With his type of cancer, we all pretty much knew the outcome from the beginning. So, time was not to be wasted. In a way, regrets were all waiting to be either cast aside or buried for future reference. So I determined I wanted no regrets when it came to the short time I had left with my brother. Again, sad as it was, I don’t believe I was shortchanged when we said goodbye. I made myself as available as I could in those finals months, and regrets were cast away, never to rear their ugly heads. Death often is not gracious enough to leave that kind of warning.
So it made me think...why do we wait until someone dies before we express appreciation? What if we stepped out of our comfort zone and made the effort to communicate positive thoughts while we’re still of sound mind and body? And that’s what I decided to do with Marc Burnett.
Marc was a college friend of my sister’s. They were both into music, and he came by the house to visit a few times, that I can remember. I don’t know why, but for some reason he not only talked to me, but he taught me a couple of songs on the guitar. I still remember them. One was the acoustic part to “Roundabout”, which I still can’t play quite right, and the other was a Dylan song “I Shall Be Released”, which I still can’t sing. But I remember trying. And I remember Marc patiently teaching me. And I wanted to say thanks, after all these years. That’s a good thing, right?
Well, my internet search didn’t get very far before I found his obituary from 2012. Yes, Marc left us early in life, at the age of 59. He died of the same type of cancer as my brother, a couple years earlier. I had no clue until I started my search.
Yes, I shed a private tear, but as I read the obituary I discovered he shared his love of music his entire life...with lots of people. He was even an events organizer for the civic center in town for a while.
Do I have regrets for not reaching out sooner, so I could thank him before we lost him? Well, maybe a little, but not much. He died 7 years before I even thought about reaching out. But any regret I may have had was replaced by warm thoughts of him sharing his gift with me, all those years ago. I can keep that memory the rest of my life.
Moral of the story? You get to create your own moral this time. I think you know mine. Some of you might even get a “hey...just wanted to say thanks”.
Marc Burnett, it’s a little late, but hey, I just wanted to say thank you.
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